3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
