Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
