I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
