Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
