don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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