margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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