I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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