actually, I'm a sock model
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
