Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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