1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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