yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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