Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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