I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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