i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
