I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
