oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Someone came in the potted fern
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
