JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
