He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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