We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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