remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize