That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
