Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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