sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
