so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
