i just wanna soil my oats bro
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
