she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
