They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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