The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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