He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
