let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
