My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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