Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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