Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
