I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
