I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
