my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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