Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
