he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
