Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
