You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
