Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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