i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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