you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
