You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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