I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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