He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
