I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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