felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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