As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize