I accidentally had phone sex last night
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
