A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
