Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
