take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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