What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just googled if crying burns calories
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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