all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize