omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize