Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
