i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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