He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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