There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
