to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
