I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
