The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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