It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
