im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
