If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
420 ftw
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
as a side note pls kill me
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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