Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
