i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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