We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize