I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
