omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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