Can i not drive my cunt home
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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