Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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