You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
