We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize