david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
