You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
