I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Randomize
