everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
