btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wish i was in the wii world.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
