I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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