Don't make out with my wife yet
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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