yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My dick has a subreddit
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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