You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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