3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
