yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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