Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
