Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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