Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
