Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
