True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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