Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
