i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize