hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
