i permit you to call me
smell my finger.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
