I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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