I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
