first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
