I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize