So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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