Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
